If you have lived a normal adolescence, chances are you seen your fair share of relationships. Each relationship takes a unique shape of its own and is like no other relationship you have had. The style which comes out is a result of the two merging personalities. Some are overly sweet, while others aggressive; some laid-back while others keep you on your feet till 4 in the morning; some bring out the best in you while others do just the opposite. For the 4th day assignment of Blogging101, I am going to write about Toxic Relationships.
While toxic relationship can develop between any two people, mother-son, brother-sister, boss-employee, colleagues, etc, for the purposes of this post, I am just going to focus on romantic relationships.
So what is a Toxic Relationship?
When you are involved with another person you expect “happy times” with them. While every relationship has its share of ups and downs and you are bound to have your differences, some relationships are so negative that you are always feeling low and annoyed and angry.
If you are in a relationship which does not let you grow as a person, and instead brings out the worst in you; if you feel you are constantly on edge with this person; the environment around the two of you is always negative and it seems that all you ever do is fight and make up, fight and make up, and fight and make up, then you are in a Toxic Relationship.
Most of us have been in at least one such relationship. The first serious relationship I ever had turned out to be a toxic one. A colleague just came out of one such relationship and I see a friend still trying to hang onto and fix such a relationship.
What are the signs?
It is important to understand that a toxic relationship is not necessarily an abusive relationship. I have seen a lot of people do not understand how a relationship can be toxic if the people involved aren’t abusing each other. Well, I have news for you. While these relationships might seem normal to the outside world, but something about it just doesn’t tick.
Individually, you two probably have awesome personalities, but together, you two just don’t work. Something just goes wrong and you end up yelling and fighting and being angry with your partner. It’s like trying to combine water and oil, you just don’t mix, or like trying to bring together two like-poles, you can be brought together till the point of repulsion.
Your morals and lifestyle might be completely different. You will probably find that even the minutest of reasons can lead to a major fight and you end up feeling emotionally and mentally drained. You will probably find that you are unable to communicate with arousing anger and ending up with another fight.
Why do people fail to see that their relationship has turned toxic?
Most people cannot even tell that their relationship has turned toxic. Unlike other relations where you see a dead-end, the attraction in toxic relationships is usually too intense and so you fail to see that it needs to be ended. You feel all the thorns, but choose to see only the roses. The relationship has a Neptunian spin to it…
Denial plays a huge role, mainly because the attraction is too immense. It took me 2 years to come out of my toxic relationship. It is very difficult to end such a relationship, because you will find that while you two cannot stay together, you cannot stay apart either.
And in the end we all hope that things will be better tomorrow, but it never is.
If a relationship doesn’t contribute anything but anger and frustration at the end of the day, then it needs to be ended. You need to feel good about being together. You should be able to help each other grow as a person and enjoy life together and be able to laugh and smile. No matter how attractive a relationship is, if it makes you feel constricted and tired forever, then it’s not the one to be in. Move on. Each of you deserve better.
So have you even been in a Toxic Relationship? Or are you currently in one?